ADDers hate being told what to do

Well let’s face it NOBODYlikes being told what to do, but for some reason it really gets to ADDers and it tickles our sense of dislike for authority.   This idea of being told what to do can irk us in the form of a voice tone, flat out orders or making us feel inferior. The problem is we are all at some point told what to do.  So what is an ADDer to do?

There is hope for ADDers, parents, spouces and anybody close to ADDers and it comes from some of the greatest qualities of ADDers: WE LOVE TO HELP, ASKED TO PARTICIPATE & BEING POSITIVELY SINGLED OUT.

So parents, spouses and friends;  instead of saying: “Sam get the groceries out of the car” – Switch it to:  “Sam can you help mom with the groceries in the car?”  This is a favor not an order and an ADDer is more likely to help when feeling needed.

Doing yoga is highly encouraged for ADDers but telling an ADDer “Go do your yoga” will not get you far.  Be willing to participate and switch it to “Do you want to do some yoga with me I could really use it”.  An ADDer is more likely to feel invited and will want to participate in something you are also doing.  The ADDer will not feel like something is wrong with her that makes only her in the household do yoga.

Another way of getting ADDers to do things is to draw on our strengths.  Saying “Mary you are so good with computers can you fix mine it’s acting funny” will get an ADDer jumping out of their seat. 

Communicating with ADDers can be tricky but by using the right words and phrasing you will notice a major difference and things just might start getting done.  If you are an ADDer it is your job to let people know what communication works for you and what doesn’t.

Until soon, take good care,

Coach Maddy

About Coach Maddy
Coach Maddy Madeleine Cote is a Montreal ADD/ADHD Coach and has been working with teens, students, adults, parents and groups for over 10 years.

4 Responses to ADDers hate being told what to do

  1. It worse than that, to where I just can’t stand this one person. She tells me to constantly do her favors, but now I’ve taken that as if they were orders because of the overuse of the word. And to make it all worse on me, she repeats herself at least five times to the point where I don’t want to even think about doing it anymore. It infuriates me now to even hear her say anything because of how intolerable this situation became.

    • Is this a spouse, girlfriend, mother, teacher or some neighbor of sorts? Can’t help but being curious. Your boss at work?

  2. I don’t know if I have ADD like my Dad but i hate being told what to do ever since i turned 18. I wanna do stuff on my own time. When others ask me to do a favor, I am most likely to do it if it’s possible.

  3. I find it so hard to be ‘told’ what to do, and have all my life been told (31yrs female) that im just lazy / unmotivated (Im not diagnosed, but im fairly certain i have adhd) and i just get so internally furious by anyone telling me what to do WITHOUT A REASON… i need the justification for the purpose otherwise its totally lost on me as to why i should even do any of it…

    So someone saying “You need to complete this form” and walking off makes me want to throw it and tell them to do it themselves, then i sit there stewing and normally make mistakes….

    but “Can you complete this form”
    Ok, what’s it for?
    So we can insure you on the company car
    ok great – done in under 30 seconds…

    I find it so frustrating that people think I’ choosing this… rebellion that happens in my head….

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